Please marry me. Oh my god. Ideal Man.

Please marry me. Oh my god. Ideal Man.

Dubai architechture in Vegas.

Dubai architechture in Vegas.

Today I feel like this. #insertemotion

Today I feel like this. #insertemotion

Mouthgasm

Buffalo Mozzarella might be better than sex.

Closing my eyes I still taste the crisp prosecco. The greasiness of  complimentary potato chips. The ribbons of prosciutto so tastefully  divine. It’s a hot summer day, and the humidity of the Mediterranean sea  creates a layer of moisture on my forehead. Deep breathing the thick air, I lose myself in the surreality of the moment.
My muscle memory is  prepared to walk the cobblestone streets in 5 inch heels. To strut my  style on the Italian urban runway, the city streets. 
A couple enjoying Sunday lunch, laughing above the crowd, drinking espresso and a smoking a celebratory cigarette.
Hang my laundry on the line.
Snapshot memories are often so vivid, it’s easy to get lost in time.

Closing my eyes I still taste the crisp prosecco. The greasiness of complimentary potato chips. The ribbons of prosciutto so tastefully divine. It’s a hot summer day, and the humidity of the Mediterranean sea creates a layer of moisture on my forehead. Deep breathing the thick air, I lose myself in the surreality of the moment.

My muscle memory is prepared to walk the cobblestone streets in 5 inch heels. To strut my style on the Italian urban runway, the city streets. 

A couple enjoying Sunday lunch, laughing above the crowd, drinking espresso and a smoking a celebratory cigarette.

Hang my laundry on the line.

Snapshot memories are often so vivid, it’s easy to get lost in time.

Terrible Sex Tips

Source: Men’s Health.com “Sex Tips to Turn her on”

Wear Her Name

Women love to hear men use their names. The more unexpected the place—like in the middle of a sentence—the better. Better still, write her name on your shoulder, your hand, or anyplace she’ll have a chance of spotting it. It’s a tattoo without pain—one that gives only pleasure. “It will make her laugh and think you’re so adorable,” says Davidson. “It says, ‘You matter.’ “

I don’t know about you but this would NOT turn me on….this would be motivation to file a restraining order if anything.

Reasons I Hate Nostalgia

1) All the useless bullshit I did in the past somehow retains an untouchable importance.

2) All that was good seems better, and all that was bad seems to get lost in the crevasses.

3) I regret my present, overthink my future, and completely idolize my past.

4) I live in my head, retracing the streets I once lived on, closing my eyes imagining myself tangled in the bedsheets of places past.

5) Progress is stunted by its antithesis, flipping through the pages of a world that no longer represents my daily routine. Snapshot photos once vividly renewed with the blink of an eye, now fade and lose their color.

I’d like to appreciate my present, but when my mind is so committed to dwelling in my past, this becomes a hefty personal pursuit.

Apelike Egoism

Every time I let my ego get the best of me, I have to slow down and remind myself that my genetic structure has a 98% similarity with that of a chimpanzee. Pardon my ignorant assumption, but it seems that much of a chimp’s daily activity consists of picking insects and other various particles out of their friend’s scalp, ass scratching, and food consumption.

I don’t care how smart you think you are. The 2% genetic discrepancy between you and an ape probably only accounts for the human compulsion to buy a bunch of shit you don’t need and proudly show strangers pictures of your unattractive children.

Let’s take life a little less seriously shall we?

Appreciate a good scratch on the ass every once in a while.

Instagram turned my dog into a swanky little dude.

Instagram turned my dog into a swanky little dude.

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